So tonight I’m staying in restless and sad from a near miss with a lovely man, and I’m wondering why men can’t be more like auditions to me. It seems I’ve gotten used to being rejected by directors, agents, casting people; and I no longer take it too personally. I don’t blame myself or wonder what I did wrong. I no longer cry and get depressed. I don’t wonder what the person who booked the job did, or why I wasn’t right for the job, or if I will ever book another job again…I think you see where I’m going with this.
You can get used to anything if it happens often enough. The fact that I’m no longer getting super-upset about not getting a job or a callback was a pleasant realization for me. It meant I was growing a tougher skin, rolling with the punches and not taking every “NO” personally. It felt like a necessary skill to have as an actor. But is that how it is in relationship? Should we celebrate not being disappointed or hurt or angry when rejected? Should we just shrug our shoulders and move on to the next thing when it’s clear that someone doesn’t want to be with us? Is that possible? Necessary? Or just plain sad? I’m not sure.
Well tonight, that doesn’t really matter: I am not in that position. I am disappointed, and taking it a little bit personally. But I am also grateful that I’m a deeply feeling woman who believes in the value of magical and deep connections, even if it means getting hurt while looking for them. I like that sensitivity, and that belief. It keeps the dreamer and conjurer in me alive. Plus, it makes me a better actor. So in the end men are not at all like auditions to me…but maybe more like busses. I’m bummed when I miss one, but I’m sure another one will be coming down the road any minute now;)
Tags: acting career, Actress, disappointment, love, men, rejection, relationship
November 11, 2008 at 2:07 am
It occurs to me that we’re also often big, smelly, noisy and in the way, but all the same it would be hard to get around without us. Maybe. Hang in there.
November 11, 2008 at 9:13 am
Now if only women were like computers… just punch in the right letters and you get the desired output…;)
November 11, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Hmmm. That isn’t too offbase. It’s just a matter of figuring out what the “right letters” are for that woman.
November 18, 2008 at 8:36 am
maybe he wasn’t so lovely as you thought, doll. don’t give up, so long as u know “he” is out there too… doesn’t want to be with=wasn’t meant to be with